When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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